My wife is pregnant, and we’re expecting our first child this October.
I’m terrified. I have little confidence in my ability to be a good father. I had a great example in my own, but I constantly wonder how much I learned from watching him? How badly am I going to screw this kid up?
Seriously... terrified.
I’m also excited. I still cannot believe I’m going to be a dad. I’ve seen the ultrasound pictures, and I got to watch my child move in real-time! I can see his face and hands, I can watch her suck her thumb, I watched the kid yawn! I was able to see her heart beating. I cannot describe what I saw in words that accurately describe how I felt. This person is alive and growing, and it’s my flesh and my blood.
I’m humbled. I recall Psalm 139:13-16, and I know that this child is not mine alone; but he is known by God, even now. Her every day is ordained by the Almighty creator of the universe, and right now she doesn’t even know she has feet! I am humbled that God would entrust this precious child to my fumbling, bumbling, too-scared, ignorant care; it’s like leaving your prized mansion in the hands of a barrel of chimpanzees.
And yet, if God - who knows more than I do, and all of it more intimately and completely than I could know even my own name; who has ordained the plan that most glorifies Himself; who notes when each sparrow falls to earth; who loves me with a love I cannot fully comprehend, do not even remotely deserve, and can never repay - has decided that I become a dad... well, who am I to argue?
So, I’m going into this with terror and insecurity in my own abilities, but complete and utter faith in God giving me all that I need. My wife is an amazing woman who has long dreamed of being a mom; it is my proud pleasure of seeing her “become” one, and my good fortune to have been partnered with such a woman.
Pray for us. All three of us. Pray for me. I’m a poor excuse for a man, honestly, when left to my own devices, and so I hope that I’ll learn to rely on the grace, wisdom, and strength of God.
I’m going to have a kid... Who would have thought.
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2 comments:
SO pumped for you! I'd be a bit concerned if you weren't terrified; seems to me you are walking into this with a healthy douse of reverence and reality. You will do well. I am confident in that.
Chris...you will be a great dad. You are about to begin an amazing life journey with this child. Be prepared to be blessed...your heart will never be the same again. You will also soon learn just how much your parents love you. God is good! I am so happy for you and Laurel.
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